Week 3 Extra Writing (Microfiction)- "Relief"
A low hum from the machinery in the room fills my ears. I open my eyes, squinting in an attempt to sharpen the blurred images ahead of me.
It didn’t work.
I scan the room searching for answers. I see my mother sleeping softly in the chair next to my bed. I let out a soft whimper.
It didn’t work and now I have to live with breaking her heart.
“Abbigail,” my mother’s gentle voice in my ear, “It’s okay baby. I’m so sorry. I’m here. Everything will be okay. It’s okay.”
A high pitched tone resonates, followed by the most chipper voice, “What can I help you with?”
“Its room 204, she’s awake,” my mother.
“I’ll page the doctor right away.”
This is real. It didn’t work.
Almost instantly there is a knock at the door. A woman walks in, my doctor.
“Good afternoon, Miss Boland. You had a long day yesterday. I’m glad you’re with us now.”
“When can I take her home?” My mother cuts her off.
“Abbigail and I need to have a conversation before that can happen,” the woman nods in my direction, “Is it okay if your mother stays, or would you like for her to leave the room?”
I open my mouth to answer her but I cannot make the words come out. I nod.
“I don’t understand” my mother almost shouts, “I’m her mother of course I can stay.”
“Mrs. Boland, Abbigail, I’m going to be honest,” she looks at me, “You won’t be going home today. Based on your tox-screen, we’re going to have to keep you at least 72 hours.”
It didn’t work.
“I don’t understand” my mother screams this time.
“Abbigail,” she ignores my mother, “You are very lucky. the injuries you sustained are minor, and you should make a full recovery,”
It didn’t work!
“However, we were unable to save your pregnancy.”
I heard a gasp leave my mother’s lips, “Her.. pregnancy? I don’t…”
I let out a sigh of relief, ignoring my mother’s reaction.
It worked. For the first time in months, I can finally rest.
Authors note: This is an expansion of a microfiction that I wrote for my creative writing class last semester. I do not want to give too much away about author's intent because I want to leave much of this story up for interpretation, however I would love to have a converstion about it in the comments! I chose to post this story as a creative writing option this week becasue I want to kind of work on and perfect this story to hopefully expand it into something more later on. Feedback (both positive and negative) is very welcome!
Wow, this is so intense, Linsey! I was expecting people would be doing 100-word stories for the microfiction, but this is a different kind of experiment... and very eerie, especially with the italics to make us wonder about the "I" of the narrator versus the "I" of the italics. That turns it into a puzzle we have to figure out: there's the I of the narration who sees "my mother" in a chair next to the bed. Apparently she is Abbigail. Abbigail Boland. Her mother is Mrs. Boland. And tox screen makes me think Abbigail tried to kill herself... and that her unborn baby somehow made her do it! And maybe the baby didn't want to kill her exactly... the baby just didn't want to be born...? That's my guess anyway!
ReplyDeleteThis kind of complexity wouldn't fit into a 100-word story format because you've got four characters (if the italics are indeed the baby..), all with speaking roles, plus physical clues based on what Abbigail is seeing, hearing, feeling. It's very eerie, especially if the italics really are an unborn/never-to-be-born baby... I am curious what other people will say about it.
You've got great use of action beats to go with all that direct speech also; there are some tips on the quoted speech page - link that can help with the punctuation, etc. there if you are thinking about editing this to submit to a flash fiction competition or something like that! I follow the 100-word microfiction world; I don't know as much about the 400-word world, but I'm guessing there are lots of opportunities there too.
Right now the text is coming out black against the background so it's hard to read... if you just highlight the text, then click Tx in the editing bar (clear formatting), the text color will go to the Blogger default and be easier to read!